Wednesday, March 31, 2010

knitting an afghan out of nothing at all

I think one of the most artful bits of Presidential speech I've heard recently was when Obama found a way to glide over the fact that our man in Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai, had obviously stolen his most recent election.

"Though marred by fraud, that election produced a government consistent with Afghanistan's laws and constitution."

Which is basically saying that if it at least has the title of a government, we'll take it.

Gee, if George Bush had said that about Saddam Hussein and his 99.99% election victories it could have saved us a mistake war.

Monday, March 29, 2010

what would jesus design?

Crackpots make the lamest websites. "Hutaree" is a christian militia the FBI raided over the weekend.
(probably not appropriate for work)

Update: Their website seems to be disappearing already.

Short story, it was an ugly mash of "camo" background and bad page design.

Their organization has ranks:













I was sure a Zulif outranked a Radok. That shows how deluded I've been.

Friday, March 26, 2010

super squirrel

If you're gonna be a squirrel you better be in shape.

Found on the web:

The squirrels in my yard aren't quite so ambitious. They've gotten fat on abundant acorns that fall from the sky. But now I'm tempted to set up a red, rocket-shaped roller coaster for them.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

11 is the new 22

When Presidents sign something really big they sign each letter with a different pen and give them to key participants as souvenirs. I've been wondering how he got through 22 pens on just "Barack Obama". It looks like he broke the "O" into five or six parts.

Franklin Delano Roosevelt and George Herbert Walker Bush were born for such occasions.

Someday we should have a President named Winchester Jamison Clarke Barrington-Smythefield-Hickenlooper IV and then we could all get a pen.

History doesn't record who received the ceremonial pens that got us into the Iraq War, but I'm sure they are proudly displayed on the mantle next to the gun they shoot their hunting partners with.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

for luck

The caption of this photo was "President Barack Obama holds a lucky charm given to him during the campaign, while on the phone with a Member of Congress in the Oval Office, March 21, 2010. (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)"

I believe the image on the lucky charm appears to be...

..."Bee Gees" lead singer Barry Gibb.

Monday, March 22, 2010

die meisterstücker

I don't know if the Germans get as frazzled about English phrases popping up in their language as the French do, but I'm always jarred when i see it.

"Barack Obamas Last-Minute Meisterstück"

(Meisterstück = Masterpiece)

Perhaps the Germans are so efficient and organized that they never needed to develop a native phrase for "last-minute".

"Gesundheits-Coup" is kind of weird too.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

out of season

Snow in Texas in Spring.

This has probably ruined the peachtree blossoms, so no peaches this year.

Friday, March 19, 2010

if i don't do it, who will?

The only positive thing about baking your own birthday cake is you don't have to fight anybody to lick the spoon.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

convenience food

These are the steps to prepare the "Banquet Chicken Nugget Meal":

- Cut and remove film cover from chicken nuggets and macaroni & cheese but not the corn.
- Remove chicken nuggets.
- Microwave on HIGH 1½ minutes.
- Replace chicken nuggets.
- Stir macaroni & cheese.
- Microwave 1½ to 2 minutes.
- Let stand 2 minutes.
- Stir macaroni & cheese.
- Check that product is cooked thoroughly. Internal temperature needs to reach 165°F as measured by a food thermometer.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

another one from the bucket list

I put in a new garbage disposal today, all by myself.

And it's not just any garbage disposal... it's a "WasteKing" garbage disposal!

The old one had rusted out. For a couple years I got by with cutting out strips of plastic from a milk jug and gluing that over the holes. But it got so rusted that there wasn't much holding the bottom to the top.

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

rabbit rant

This is a Bugs Bunny Model sheet!

From 1943!

By Robert McKimson!

Follow it exactly!

It's all important!

You know that because every note on it ends in an exclamation mark!


Save it for the Germans, OK?

Monday, March 08, 2010

different than you and i...

In an NY Times article about The National Enquirer's recent brush with journalism, an Enquirer editor says their coverage of the John Edwards-Rielle Hunter affair showed that the wealthy "have the same types of problems that [ordinary people] have in real life."

Yes, I am endlessly plagued by attractive, talented, much younger documentary filmmakers who want to sleep with me. I'm sure you are too.